Monday, March 13, 2006

Piss poor state of affairs

Humblest apologies dear reader ... it's taken a helluva long time for me to get me arse into gear and update me blog, something to do with unemployment I guess (so much easier to post in work time than one's own time!).

Vodka and soda with a dash of lime have been my downfall amongst other things. Today's downfall was Frontline - the pesky flea control liquid used on domestic cats and dogs. Got a left eye full of the fucking stuff thanks to my hyperactive whippet.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Happy christmas your arse

When do you decide it's officially Christmas? For me it's the first time each year that I hear the 1987 classic Fairytale of New York by Shane McGowan of The Pogues and Kirsty MacColl for some others it's the first time they see the Famous Grouse advert on TV. I can tell you that in the ferret nest it is now Christmas, however there are no paper chains or tree. Last year ferret christmas started very early on the 4th November which was a fucker.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005


At last something superb to draw your attention to.

Should I ever get married again my partner will have to agree to having one of these at our wedding! Absolutely wicked and the best thing I've seen all week. These punters know the way to a ferret's heart.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Last Tango in Paris

Monkey-toed celebutante Paris Hilton, once famous for trying to take a goat on a plane, has a new fashion accessory on the catwalk. At the recent 2 B Free fashion show she paraded her bright orange stick of a body about with a new consort a ferret named Rascal.

What is this fucking stupid bint like eh? She binned her pooch Tinkerbell the chihuahua because he was too big to fit in her handbag. Well I wouldn't mind betting that Rascal has had a shit in your new Gucci bag my love and I bet it fucking stinks.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Conservatives are clowns shocker

MPs have only bloody gone and unanimously supported a proposed change to the new Licensing Act to prevent it from killing off touring circuses. Which shagwit came up with that idea ... oh yeah Conservative MP Peter Luff. That tory clown has put forward an amendment to the law under which circuses would be able to apply for one-off, annual licences, rather than having to get separate ones from every local authority they visit.

Circuses are wrong for many reasons but in my book primarily because they harbour clowns. The sooner they are priced out of existence the better.

I for one will not be joining this set of twats.

Paris Match

Went to That There France yesterday to stock up on booze, cheese and cheap cornichons (the Pez are not for my own personal consumption honest guv) and didn't see a single rioter or burning car - most disappointing. Apparently it all kicked off because two Darwin Award contenders fried themselves hiding from les gendarmes. Oh how the IOC must be so fucking pleased with themselves that they picked London for 2012.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Statler & Waldorf

Something that's been twisting my swede for the past 48 hours is just how does Dave Blunkett get all these dolly birds? I mean he ain't no looker is he now? The labrador has a certain charm but DB must be one helluva fuck to get all those lovely ladies.

Here's another munter that always got lucky: that boat dwelling coroner Quincy ME, he always managed to bag the prettiest birds.

Anyway like Mr Blunkett I just don't see it myself.

Best Mate of Prince Charles

I nipped into WH Smith yesterday and took the opportunity of browsing the selection of magazines and newspapers that they have. All of them had a picture of Camilla The Duchess of Cornwall on the front except for Horse & Hound - now that's ironic on two counts.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Cheeky Fucking Vimto

Get's me every bastard time. Only had three I think it was and I am wrecked today. As I've said to my friends before how the fuck that leek chomping warbler Charlotte Church can drink those all fucking night is beyond me. Mind you they make Simpsons Top Trumps highly amusing. Do however be fucking careful with the glow in the dark case the cunting thing has scarred my finger for life.

Note to self: would feel better if I drank Toilet Duck.